Rant about the Tube!

I hate it. I can't stand the Tube, especially in the rush hour. It totally gets on my nerves. I cannot do it. I am one of these spoilt basterds who need to live close to where they work becasuse I just cannot, cannot, cannot do the Tube.

Why? Because it sucks. It sucks so much that if I were a guy, and if it sucked any harder, ... you know. ;)

More reasons:
1) signal failure
2) faulty train at station X
3) congestion.

Regarding reason 1, there's signal filure somewhere nearly every day. Funnily enough, it happens quite often near Ealing. Don't ask me why.

How do I know, even if I don't never set my foot anywhere near Ealing, or many other Tube stations? Because my company has intranet, and on the front page of the intranet, there are the WTFL updates. Quite entertaining to watch how it gets from 'minor delays' to 'severe delays' to (sometimes) 'partial closure' and then to 'severe delays' and minor delays' and finally 'good service'.

Anyway. About the signal failure - wherever it happens - how about a simple solution? Just. F***ing. Fix. It. It happens almost daily, so just fix it. Do something so it doesn't happen every day. Go for it! Don't be shy!

Regarding reason 2. I've read somewhere that this is the most common reason for delays. As in point 1, this happens all the f. time. All the time. Every day or so. So - how about doing something about that? Not sufficiently London-cool?

Regarding reason 3, this is something that p. me off royally. Like, this was the reason for the whole idea, for actually bothering to put the trains underground, build the tunnels, etc. etc. - to avoid traffic jams and congestion. So how come that the trains are stuck in congestion? Are you even f. serious?

(For those who never experienced this travesty. If you travel on certain lines in certain times of the day (typically District / Metropolitan / Circle lines around the rush hour), you randomly stop in a tunnel for 1-10 mins, between each two stops, and a voice tells you that the train is stuck in a congestion and/or we are waiting for the train in front of us to clear the platform and/or we are waiting for a green signal. Or something like that. Literally a metro traffic jam. W.T.F.)

Actually,
4) Where's the oxygen?

This tends to be worse on some lines than others. Example: Piccadilly. Just think about Piccadilly and you are dead already, just from the very thought, due to the hot, CO2-rich environment down there

5) Miscellaneous.

Have you ever heard about Waterloo and City? This is an incredible two stops line (I am serious, it only has the two termini - Waterloo and Bank - ad there's nothing between these two) which is designed only for the bankers working in the City. These people usually live in the rich, posh Western suburbs. In the morning, they arrive to Waterloo train station by the suburban trains, and then take the Tube to the City. Cosequence: while all the Tube is very diverse (people of all nationalities, races, occupations, religions, etc. etc.), W&C is almost like a Gentlemen's Club. If you don't wear a suit and a tie, and don't have your copy of The Financial Times, you are not allowed in.
The iconic sentence (printed on T shirts and postcards) is Mind the gap. I think that Signal failure or Mind the doors, mind the closing doors, mind the doors would be much more appropriate. Especially the latter is the new mind the gap: you can hear it in almost every station, pronounced by an orderly on the platform, trying to let the train move as soon as it has a red signal (so that you don't make the congestion even worse).

Which lines do I like? I don't like any Tube lines, but some p. me off less than others. For example Jubilee looks OK most of the time. Victoria works most of the time. Metropolitan is kinda all right - sometimes. But - feel free to disagree.

Strangely, I also like Bakerloo, mostly because it looks totally postapo (and I like the 'romantic' feeling about that).

And so on. The. Tube. Sucks.

End of rant.