Notes on London Airports! I have now tried all of them (some of them admittedly only outbound) so I feel that I have stuff to say. There we go.

Heathrow

How big: One of the biggest in the world.

Amount of silly walking around: Moderate. Actually good when you consider the size of this airport. The only exception is getting to/from train or the Tube. That is a proper hike.

Transport to/from the airport: Airport of extremes. Heathrow Express (15 min) or Piccadilly Line (60 min). Heathrow Express is awesome but actually only goes to Paddington (so you have to do another 45 min on Tube if you don't live close to there) and stops at midnight, so if you are particularly 'lucky' with immigration, you have to take the Tube. Picc Line has the advantage of running even after midnight (at least on Fri evenings) - but can someone explain to me please why about 1/2 of the trains from Heathrow end in places like Hounslow West, Osterley etc.? How many people, on an average Friday night, go from Heathrow Terminals 1, 2, 3 to Hounslow West?

Immigration: Incredibly bad. By far the worst experience so far. Worse than Schiphol, and that airport is my sworn enemy. Expect non functioning biometric gates and 1km long queues (to show the returning British citizens a warm welcome perhaps?)

Toilets: Fine (9/10, definitely would pee there again)

Other facilities: Posh. Maybe even posher than that.

Wifi: Exists but requires signing up, therefore half way to bollocks.

Worst experience: Arrived by the last evening plane from M. the other day. The plane was delayed, we landed ca 11 pm. I spent more than 1 hour at a queue for the immigration checks. Result: I missed the last Heathrow Express. Had to go by Piccadilly Line, all the way to the city, on a Friday night. At first (up to zone 3) it was all right, then it started to be really dodgy. Dodgy but probably safe, because all the people were so drunk they could not harm anyone but themselves.

Overall satisfaction: 5/10. Don't like that much.

Gatwick

How big: Moderate. Has two terminals, North and South, linked by a little DLR-like train.

Amount of silly walking around: Excessive. Considering the size of the airport, it's absolutely insane.

Transport to/from the airport: Funny. A bit idiotic. There are trains to London Bridge or to Victoria. If you want to go to Ldn Bridge, you can use your Oyster, which is good but a bit expensive. When buying tickets (for example because you have a railcard), you have to basically know who operates the train you intend to take - so in theory you have to go, pick a train in advance and check who's running the thing. It's not that tickets valid for every train are too expensive - they do not exist. Also, during the weekdays, you can get to/from Gatwick in 40 min. However, during the weekends, the trains suddenly change into a train which, if you put a stick in the ground with a handwritten note on it, the train would stop there. So it takes a solid hour to get to London. (Not counting in the time you wait for the trains, which, with the popular game of biggest delays, can be considerable.)

Immigration: No complains. Took me less than 3 min every time I went there.

Toilets: Could be much worse (7/10)

Other facilities: Okay.

Wifi: Probably exists but I've actually never tried.

Worst experience: They lost my bag when I went to Amsterdam. The bag just stayed there at Gatwick. Which I find pretty pathetic.

Overall satisfaction: 5/10

Stansted

How big: Moderate. A bit like Manchester Airport.

Amount of silly walking around: Reasonable.

Transport to/from the airport: Stansted Express. So far so good, I love this train. OK, it costs £16.60 and takes 50 min from Liverpool Street, but name a cheap train to a London airport, I'll wait. I've taken Stansted Express several times and every time it was on time (actually a big deal in this country, trust me). Not like some other trains which stop all the time or don't even start moving 'due to shortage of staff' or for some similarly stupid reason. Also, the train stops ca 3 min from the airport terminal and all the stuff, which I find cool.

Immigration: No complains. Took me less than 3 min every time I went there.

Toilets: Fine (8/10)

Other facilities: Okay.

Wifi: Probably exists but I've actually never tried.

Worst experience: None. And that's why I like this airport so much.

Overall satisfaction: 8/10. My personal favourite (for now).

Luton

How big: Moderate.

Amount of silly walking around: Moderate to low.

Transport to/from the airport: Disaster. Travesty. There is a train (from London St Pancras / Blackfriars / City Thameslink), but that only goes to Luton Airport Parkway. And then you have to take a bus which, in about 10-15 min, takes you to the airport. The problems are obvious: i) The bus is always late, and always stuck in some traffic, no matter what. ii) You cannot stack a trainload of people with huge bags into a bus. You just cannot. iii) You have to buy train tickets to 'Luton Airport', not 'Luton Airport Parkway'. If you don't, they make you pay £2.40 or something for the ridiculous bus. On your way back, you have to get your train ticket from a pair of lousy machines just after you leave the airport - expect a lengthy queue of tourists who have no idea how to operate our super-intuitive ticket machines. iv) The people using this particular airport seem to be more stupid than at the other airports. They are apparently not intelligent enough to use a bus in any reasonable way, to board so that someone else can also board, to leave the bus quicker than in 15 minutes of total confusion, tripping over own bags, tripping over other people's bags, pushing people, etc.

Immigration: No complains. Took me less than 3 min every time I went there.

Toilets: OK (7/10)

Other facilities: Okay.

Wifi: Probably exists but I've actually never tried.

Worst experience: On my way to R., the airline staff checked our boarding passes and made us all stay in one big room with no facilities other than a drinks vending machine. It was early morning and there were several babies and small children, and there was nowhere to sit (not even for mothers with babies), and the room was too small for a planeload of people, so it was also quite crowded. So some kid started crying out of annoyance (which in my opinion was totally justified), and then the other kids joined in, and basically everyone was pissed off, and then the plane - which was the first morning plane - was 30 min late, so it all added up to a very cool beginning. (To be fair, I am not sure this is the fault of the airport. It may well be the shitty airline, Wizz...)

Overall satisfaction: 1/10. An airport to avoid.

City

How big: Small.

Amount of silly walking around: Zero.

Transport to/from the airport: DLR. It's zone 3, which is both unbelievable and awesome.

Immigration: N/A (only outbound flight so far)

Toilets: Fine (7/10)

Other facilities: Okay. They are tiny, but they have coffee and sandwiches and blueberry muffins, and what more do you need.

Wifi: Probably exists but I've actually never tried.

Worst experience: For some reason planes that would suit me seem to avoid this airport. What a shame.

Overall satisfaction: cannot be assessed because there are not enough flights to/from LCY

Southend

How big: Tiny.

Amount of silly walking around: Zero.

Transport to/from the airport: Train. Takes an hour but takes you 2 min from the terminal.

Immigration: N/A (only outbound flight so far)

Toilets: Fine (8/10)

Other facilities: Okay. There is coffee and sandwiches and even a restaurant and a bookshop, so you can fix everything there.

Wifi: Probably exists but I've actually never tried.

Worst experience: Nothing in particular.

Overall satisfaction: 7/10

Yesterday, I was flying above Europe (in a plane), and thinking. I was returning from an event which, for me, was quite an experience. I have met some European people there. Including one guy. And this guy, well, it's difficult to describe, but I guess we may become friends or something. Because we were there to do a job together, and we did, we were actually quite successful, the cooperation between us was very smooth, and it just feels like we have certain things in common, we share certain opinions, and, you know the feeling, right?

OK, so I was in this kind of mood. Something really good happened during the day, it all went very well, and suddenly I am in a plane, coming back home (with an amazing vision of landing at, like, 23.30 local time at Stansted and getting to bed at 2 am, duuuuh), and I am thinking. About life and stuff. And I realize that every trip to Europe brings me closer to the moment when I leave the UK.

Why. Because I miss Europeans. I miss normal European conversations, normal European human interaction. I mean roughly this. Usually, when I talk to a European, after few hours max I know all important stuff. I know what they like, how many kids they have, where they live, and which football club they follow. When I talk to a Brit, well... let's just say that for little more than 7 months now, I have been sitting next to a colleague (we are less than 2m apart), and I think he has two kids, because he has a picture of two kids on his desk. But I am not sure - as far as I know, they can be cousins/nieces. Because we never get any further than 'Hiya, you all right'.

See the contrast? In Europe, I meet someone next to a coffee machine, and we talk about walking dogs and world championship in skeleton and family affairs and the advantages of going to work by bike (or whatever random stuff is on our mind). In the UK, we say 'morning'. If they are particularly talkative that morning, they say something like 'it's quite cold outside'.

I know the reason why I came. I know why I still stay here. And I already know why I will leave one day.