English expressions I did not know before coming and I now know them.

(I often learn new funny words these days. Many of them come from discussions with my colleagues, who use interesting colloquial words or expressions. I list some of them below.)

• quid - £. Used only in singular, even if there are many of them. When talking, £20 becomes twenty quid.
• dog's dinner - something really messy
• ish - approximately. If you want to come at ca 5 pm, you say five... ish. If you want to say that you are kinda happy, you say I am happy... ish.
• gauge - the distance between train tracks
• stick to one's guns - not listen to arguments and insist on one's opinion instead
• nifty - similar to cool, but not really. Definitely a positive word.
• the flip side of the coin - in pros and cons, this is the cons part
• cards on the table - stuff revealed. We have the same expression in Czech, but it is nice to know that they actually really use it here in the UK, too.
• he's the one to talk - said when someone criticizes something but does the same thing all the time
• cheers - means really many things, but most often it is used instead of and/or in addition to thanks
• see you in a bit - see you later
• you ok? - how are you? Often no answer is expected, or a simple 'yeah' or 'fine' will do. In pubs and shops, this means of 'how can I help you', 'what are you going to drink', etc.
• no worries - if someone thanks you, you say this in reply
• haya - hi (there probably used to be more words than just one, but I cannot tell what the other word(s) could be)
• take the mick out of someone - tease someone, make fun of someone
• literally - means anything but literally. People usually use this word to emphasize things, but do not really mean that it was really like that. (So if someone tells you that I literally pissed myself laughing, you can be pretty sure he did not piss himself and he just wants to say that it was really funny.)
• gay - gay. Must be used as adjective. Saying he is a gay is offensive.
• calling a spade a spade - not being afraid of saying the truth, and using real names of things instead of 'wrapping' them
• I say as I think - posh version of previous item

I have visited London for the first time! And tell you what: the city stinks.

We boarded a train leaving at 7.00 sharp. To my surprise, the train was not delayed, and really left the station at 7! During the journey, I spent quite some time watching the English landscape (very green, with brick houses and with sheep!). Then, we arrived at London Euston.

The guys immediately told me that Euston was, like, the most ugly train station ever. Dirt and concrete, that's what they said. They were not far from truth; the station is really ugly, but I'd say that it is so ugly that it's actually pretty good.

We decided to walk to the office. Of course there was a traffic jam, a smelly one. So, once again: London stinks. Literally.

Btw, the buses are also double-deckers, but they look very different from what we have here. Our buses have just one door, and look like boxes. And they are either purple (if they are First buses) or green or red (if they are Stagecoach buses). In London, the buses are red, they have three doors (the one closest to the back of the bus permanently open!!) and in my opinion they look like porcellio scaber. The story goes that London once wanted do buy these long buses which can bend in the middle, but then they decided that these would be dangerous for cyclists, and so they decided to get these red things. (The fact that every other European city runs long bending buses and cyclists are just fine obviously bothers no one in London, they know everything better!)

Unfortunately, we spent the whole day in meetings, so I cannot say much more about London than the above stuff. And in particular I had no chance to go anywhere by metro (which, as the guys told me, I should call the tube, not metro... well, I will call it whatever the h. I like...).

During the journey, I had an interesting discussion about milk. One guy told me that he's lived in Europe for some time, and he was shocked that the people there drank black tea, without milk. So I told him how English his attitude was. He did not quite agree. I described to him my surprise when I noticed that in our office, milk is delivered every day to our door. So English, I insisted. Now he was ready to admit that maybe that was English... And now imagine how surprised I was when I realised that they don't do this in Europe! he continued. No, we really don't do this in Europe, I assured him. So he told me (like it was a secret) that he would bring his own milk to the office every day. Like, really? So English!

Following the previous post (but not only...), I wanted to (i) share again some observations etc. about English people, (ii) tell you more about my trip to Europe. This time I am lazy to distinguish between the two topics or keep them apart - so I won't. :-)

These days, it rains a lot in Mcr. Which brings funny consequences.

For example, when it rains, instability of the internet triples. I tried to skype with people in various European countries during rain, and it was awful every time. Once, download was fine (so I could hear the other side well), but upload was practically non-existent (so when I wanted to say something, skype collapsed). Many times both upload and download went low, and the call sounded like a creaky landline.

Or the trains. The more it rains, the more anarchy there is with the trains.

On the other hand, I would expect the magnitude of the traffic jams to increase sharply when it rains (this is what happens in Prague), but surprisingly this does not happen. The traffic jams obviously follow some complex and sinister pattern which I still need to discover.

English people do not greet each other when they enter a lift. Or when they leave a lift. I find this strange. I was always told to greet people when entering a closed space where there are actually some people, or when leaving such space. Applies to rooms, shops, school classrooms, lifts. Does not apply to trams and buses, but applies to train compartments. And so on. But every morning I just wonder, because when entering or leaving a lift, no one says a word. (Afternoons are the same.)

The little fences which are supposed to block 'wild drinking' on the streets of Manchester were mentioned in one of my previous posts. But now that I've visited Europe (and Germany, of all countries...) again, I realized that the beer in Manchester is not really worth the trouble. First, it is too warm. Second, it has very little gas. Duuuuh! The Germans who sell the beer in Manchester obviously did their homework, and adapted their beer to local taste, but I would prefer if they had not. In Germany, the beer is so much better! And it is actually half the price! (Like, 3 euros for excellent beer compared to 4 quid for that warm, gas-free liquid which looks like beer, oh come on!)

When I came here yesterday, I had to cross Schengen area border. I am not used to that! I am not used to that. I am used to travel across Europe with my ID card only, no worries and no problem at all. But wait... yes, now I live and work in a country which talks about leaving EU all the time (and which issues no ID cards). Ah, screw that.

Btw, ID cards and permanent addresses are two things that you just won't find in the UK. Yes, everyone knows that... but I wonder whether people also realize how funny and silly the address rules are in the UK.

For doing nearly anything, you need a proof of address. To rent a property, to have a credit check done (which is also needed for everything from buying a house to buying a toothbrush), to open a bank account, to buy a cell phone and pay the bills for it, etc. etc., you need a proof of address. Which of course you won't be able to show if you live in a shared place and/or with a private landlord (because many institutions just do not accept letters from the landlords or tenancy agreements) and/or in a place where someone else (like your husband for example) pays the utilities bills. It's a bit like Catch-22 really.

Funny aspect is that every year, you get a letter which invites you to input the names of all people living in your house into electoral register. If you don't, you can go to jail and/or pay an unlimited fine. Wow!

Summarized: you need proof of address for nearly everything, and sometimes it is terribly difficult to get one. But of course, introducing anything loosely related to a permanent address is a big no-no in the UK.

I have also noticed, for the first time in my life, how cheap a country Germany is. :-) This is not a joke, and I am not trying to be disrespectful. I think it is a matter of perspective.

When living in the Czech Republic, one just sees everything through the filter of salaries and prices there. In the Czech Republic, the average monthly salary before tax is ~ 900 € (in local currency it;s 25 000 Kč. I would expect the average in Germany to be something around 3500 € (yes, I know that not everyone lives in Bavaria, but that's reality - in the Czech Republic, not everyone lives in Prague). The prices of things are in correlation with the average monthly income. Consequence? I always considered Germany to be rather expensive for us.

However, now. The exchange rate is roughly 1.5 € for £1, and some things cost little bit more in the UK (in pounds) than they cost in Germany (in euros). Stuff in the UK is expensive (kinda). So I got used to the 'high' prices, and now I am in Germany, and I am like, is this really so? Am I considering Germany to be cheap? What kind of person have I become?

Today, it was raining in Germany (or at least in the city I am in). It probably started during the night, and it continued throughout the day, with more or less the same intensity, and with grey clouds all over the sky. In the morning, I was like, oh this feels like home!

But then I realized just how wrong the rain really is here.

In Manchester, it rains for few hours, and then the clouds go away and we have sunshine, and then it rains again, and so on. So far I have not seen a day which would be like this: heavy grey clouds low above the city and endless rain. This is wrong! :-)

And here comes the most funny thing: right now, I am experiencing some kind of mild identity crisis. I feel like I do not belong anywhere. Cars go on wrong side in the UK as well as in Europe now. When avoiding people, people go to wrong side everywhere. The weather in the UK is ridiculous, but the weather in Europe is not right either. Things that were taken for granted (Germany is expensive for us, we are part of the Schengen area, you can get cheap and good beer everywhere you go, etc.) are no longer true. I miss stuff from Europe in the UK, but when I come here, I suddenly miss some UK stuff. Things seem unfamiliar there, and here as well. I don't like English people adding articles (a, the) everywhere they can in my English texts, but now I do it to other people. And I desperately need to eat sandwiches at least once a day.

I mean, am I the only expat who experiences this, or this is normal and will adjust soon?

(A frustrated post written in a plane, scribbled on tablet. Please excuse any typos etc.)

My first trip to Europe! Since I came here little bit more than one month ago, my longest trip was to Salford (which is just around the corner from Manchester). And now the time has come for me to enjoy a trip to Germany!

(Now they are threatening us with trbulence.)

Ok, so my plane was scheduled at around 5.30 pm. I am usually required to be in the office until 4 pm, but I got an exemption today. I checked the tfgm.com website for trains. The trains are supposed to go ca every 10 minutes. The journey is supposed to take ca 20-25 min.

Now, the reality is that UK rail operators are a mess. (One of my bosses has taught me an expression "dog's dinner". Well, UK rail operators, that's exactly that, dog's dinner.) I am not sure whether there is just one transport / rail authority or there are more of them, but it's a mess either way, and all companies are equally bad obviously.

All the trains were delayed, some of them terribly. There should have been train going to the airport from platform 13 in about 5 min. So I went there. (It's pretty far, 13 and 14 are the furthest platforms.) There was a train, weirdly standing so that its first carriage was in the middle of the platform. No one was getting in or out. The driver refused to let us in, claiming that he was only waiting for green light.

(Lufthansa gave me a sandwich! This hasn't happened to me for ages! My inner Englishman is delighted.)

The info given on the platform was that the train would leave in about 2 min. (There was no train at that moment.) After ca 10 min I decided to try to ask a railway guy. I was not the only one asking, and we were all told that the train was delayed (thank you cpt Obvious) and that in about 5 min, there would be train from platform 5.

So I went to platform 5, which turned out to be platform 4. At first, I was slightly optimistic, because at least there was a train. I boarded that train. Scheduled departure was 15.52.  Every 1-2 minutes, this changed +1 min. At 16.20, the train was still there, on that platform.

Someone then announced something like "we cannot leave because we don't have the driver, we don't know where he is, he is not here but we are chasing him and we should depart soon, and all passengers who really want to go to the airport now should go to platform 13, because a train will go from there to the airport at 16.29".

So I went to platform 13, and guess what. There was bunch of panicking, desperate-looking people, and a train which did not want to let anyone in. O_o

After some more waiting, a train finally arrived and it was announced that it would go straight to the airport. It was 16.36. (In the meantime, the train on platform 13 left, train to Scarborough arrived on platform 14a, and ca 1/3 of the desperate-looking people boarded that train. What was so critical about train to Scarborough, I don't know.)

The airport-bound train quickly filled with panicking passengers. Many had huge bags, and many wanted to stay as close as possible to the doors, and that created a mess. (People were basically tripping over each other.) But a miracle occurred, and we actually started moving shortly before 16.45.

Arrival to the airport was also funny. Luckily I was on the right side of the train, close to the door adjacent the platform (which was in fact the left side of the train...), and as I am not lazy to run a bit, I was able to arrive at airport security before almost everyone else. Therefore I had to wait for only ca 10 min.

(We had tail wind and would be landing shortly.)

And you know, the best part really is that due to strong winds, the Hansa plane was delayed! When I finally came to the gate, instead of finding empty chairs and nervous attendants waiting for the last few people, I found 100 Germans, nervous because things were not in order!

Like, seriously?

Last but not least... there's a portion of interesting things and observations (which do not quite fit into previous two posts, so they are separate).

The weather starts to be really funny. I guess it's because a) the winter is coming, b) the sea is nearby, c) this is England, but last few days were unbelievable. Thursday was very warm, it was maybe 18 °C, really a pleasant day. There was a rain in the afternoon, but not too long and not too heavy, just a shower. Then, on Friday, it was, like, 6 °C, windy, raining, absolutely awful weather. Saturday was very similar to Friday, f. cold. And Sunday? Back to more than 15 °C, and sunshine.
Like, srsly?

The weather also really changes several times a day, and it changes a lot. We are not quite used to this, the changes are slower in the Czech Republic. If the day starts with sunshine, then most of the day the sun is shining, and if the clouds come, then they come slowly, and then last for some time. If the day starts with low grey clouds, it usually ends in the same or similar way. Etc.

Here in Manchester, it's different. The day can start with heavy rain. Few hours later, we have a full and very optimistic sunshine, Then another couple of hours later and we have heavy rain again. And the weather can do this, like 3-6x a day! What!

One of our friends has told us that part of here family comes from Ireland, and there were so many Marys that her grandmother was the only girl in the class who was not called Mary.

English people think that Americans speak 'wrong English'. Which is funny.

The fact that English men can wear suit and fleece/windstopper jacket was already mentioned. However, I have seen them wearing suits and backpacks, and they have apparently done so even when talking to clients! Very interesting!

I have forgotten to leave the bus on time for the first time. It was one of the days with the worst traffic, and I started to write emails on my phone, and it was dark and raining and the bus windows were all wet, and I just missed my station. Which was really funny, because there are some highways which one needs to cross to come back to our station. It was all very funny in the heavy rain and darkness.

This weekend, the Christmas Market opened here in Manchester. Manchester claims to have the biggest Christmas market in the world, and the best Christmas market in Europe, so it's a big thing here. And of course we had to see it.

We've observed the setting of the stands. It all began shortly after the beginning of November. We, as regular visitors to the city centre, have observed the empty wooden houses being built, and the decoration put up. It started to appear in every other street (not just in front of the city council, but seemingly everywhere), and we wondered how big the market would be. Well, it's huge, it really is, and Manchester people say it's really the biggest market in the world, and after yesterday and today, we believe them.

Anyway. We have observed the following funny and/or interesting things:

- It is possible to buy beer and actually drink it (which, after we've been to non-alcoholic bonfire night, was a surprise), but not without any limitation. There are small fences which delimit the market areas, and every fence has posters on it which forbid bringing alcoholic beverages outside the area delimited by the fences. O_o

- There's a huge 'German beer German sausage' fashion, which we don't mind at all. But of course there are buts. The beer is warm and contains less gas than it should. Funny English people!

- The market really spreads through the whole city centre. There are maybe 10 main streets and 5 main squares with stand.

- The stands sell Christmas-themed stuff (uh oh), clothes (some of it appears not bad), bags, furniture, gardening tools and flower bulbs, bonsai trees, Buddha statues, French cheese and delicatessen, Swiss cheese, Dutch cheese and wafers, Spanish sausages and meat, Greek olives, million kinds of sweets, hot wine (with some rather odd tastes such as strawberry or amaretto, yuck), and so on and so on.

- There appear to be real French, German, Dutch, Spanish, etc. people selling the respective goods.

- People drop money all the time, especially small coins. It seems that they don't care at all, and they for sure don't bother picking other people's money from the ground! (Maybe they do not even see it.)

- I have also dropped money, £1 to be precise, and it fell in between some planks so I could not get it back. (Grrr.) But I've soon raised £1.18, coming from picking money lying on the ground, and returning one glass left behind by some guy. (There are deposits on glasses there.).

- There are, like, thousands of people there, but they are more or less polite, and no one sells junk Russian souvenirs there, which is a nice surprise compared to similar events in the Czech Republic.

- Overall, the experience is not so bad, but I suspect that I am biased already, because I've had two German wheat beers. :-)

After some complaints from fans of this blog, I've decided that I needed to stop postponing... so here it is, brand new post.
(To keep it all tidy, I will probably make more of them, just to be sure not to mix ideas and concepts. And I will tell you everything, don't worry. :-)

Sunday 8 Nov was Rememberance Sunday. We did not know (because we are not British, and, as explained previously, we don't care about Armistice Day and all that very much in the Czech Republic), and therefore we were surprised... well, more than once.

We wanted to go for a walk. So we boarded a bus. Which did not quite go the expected route. In fact, it seems that the main road from where we live to the city centre was closed, and the bus was diverted... through some unknown and obscure streets... seemed pretty odd, we expected to go to Manchester, and for few moments it seemed like we were going who knows where.

But we have seen a tiny military parade! People in military uniforms, everyone wearing poppy of course, marching through one of the streets. With music. And when the bus finally arrived to the city, and we came to the war memorial (that one behind the city council), we have seen a biker gang there (but not like hell's angels, no Harley Davidson and stuff, these people obviously ride scooters!) with some flowers and things. And an old man who seemed to be soldier himself during that time. Seeing that man, walking with sticks only but putting his sticks aside just to be able to stand at attention and salute to the memorial, that was actually pretty emotional.

And then all the poppies everywhere. I guess this is genuine British stuff. Since maybe half October, everyone was wearing poppies. Plastic ones of course, because poppies are no longer flowering in Oct / Nov. This whole thing is called poppy appeal, with the Royal Infantry (and maybe also someone else) raising money for modern war veterans (people coming back from Afghanistan etc.) and their families. Seems that here it is sort of obligation to buy one, and contribute,So I got one myself, just to be more 'British'. (I got one with added value, made of red hi-viz material, so that when I attach it on my backpack, it's going to make me visible to cars. Or at least I hope so.)

Then, 11 November was the Armistice Day.

I did not know what exactly to do, so I went to see the guy from the office next to mine to ask him about what is expected. He explained to me that there would be a gunfire at 11 am (except that here in Manchester it's a fake because Manchester does not have its own gun), and that people are expected to keep 2 min silence. Well, he said, it was not obligatory to do this, no one has to do anything he does not want to do, it would be just fine not to make any loud noises during these 2 min, just show some respect. Then, after two minutes, there would be another gunshot and that would be all.

So I decided to do like British people, and I actually really held the 2 minutes of silence. Like everyone else in the office; it was very interesting to actually hear no noises. We are really many there, so you can always hear someone talking, moving things, walking around, making phone calls etc. But not on 11th hour of 11th day of 11th month.

After that there were loads of  plastic poppies everywhere, all over the city. They could be seen around every single war memorial, no matter the size. Everywhere. Seems that British people really mean it when they say they want to remember the war!

After all this, people seem to be slowly removing their poppies from their clothes etc. (But not suddenly, some are still wearing them, especially those who have purchased the more expensive metal ones.

Interesting!

Today

Remember, remember
the 5th of November
the Gunpowder treason and plot!
I see no reason
why Gunpowder treason
should ever be forgot!

OK. So today is Bonfire night aka Guy Fawkes Day. We were really curious about this, and really looking forward to seeing it. And honestly, we were a bit disappointed.

There was a funfair, a bonfire and a firework show in one of the parks close to the place we currently live. So we decided to go there, and have a look. Yes, there was a funfair, with lots of kids' stuff. They were selling lightsabers there! And some burgers, and hot dogs, and things. There was also bonfire, that's right. And loads of people.

But we were missing one of the most important things: the beer stall. There was none! No one was selling anything at least mildly alcoholic, it was only coke etc. everywhere. Like, seriously? How about 0.5 l of beer in a plastic disposable cup? No? How can you ever have a celebration (or a funfair, or whatever) without beer? Incredible. This sucks.

Funny consequence of this 'prohibition': we have seen some skinheads drinking... mineral water. (!!!)

(And there's no way around. They just do not allow any alcohol there. There were some security people there at the entrance and they wanted to see everyone's backpack and/or insides of a jacket (or coat), just to check if people are not trying to sneak in (i) bombs (illegal), (ii) guns (illegal), (iii) knives (also illegal), (iv) alcohol (illegal in public, and illegal to carry in open containers), (v) own fireworks (probably illegal, and very much forbidden in the park), (vi) any glass container (forbidden in the park), (vii) porn (??), (viii) drugs (this is the only ok item). So: no way to bring your own beer and drink it in the dark!)

But OK, there was bonfire, and it was nice... ish.

Yesterday

Nothing very interesting, but: there was a dustbin action!

Every other Thursday, the dustbin collection people come, but there's a but (of course). Every house in our street has a small backyard. Every house in the neighbouring street has also a backyard. There is a small gap between these backyards, like a tiny street. Closed by some bars at each end, just for sure. There is basically nothing there, just some bins, because the alley (not even street...) is too narrow.

And now for the but: you have to take the bin out of the backyard (where it is stored in order not to be stolen), and bring it in front of the bars. Which seems easy, but doing it in the darkness of the night, when there are other bins all over the alley etc., that is just funny.

Of course, when the bin is emptied, the bin has to be taken back to the backyard. Through the alley, which is now full of empty bins, because the neighbors are quicker than us.

However, husband has shown his potential: mission accomplished, bin's empty! :-)

There is a reason why I haven't written anything since Wednesday, and that reason is my husband. On Thursday (yes, almost a week ago...), my husband arrived to Manchester. So I had to show him many things, share my collection of streets with him, etc. And then we did some discovering together!

We went to see the channels, the shops (there is a big Dr Martens shop where I intend to buy shoes very soon), Piccadilly Gardens, and things. We had cider in one bar (and it was not bad!). We had a burger (finally). We got a monthly bus ticket for him. And so on.

We were also victims of a full English breakfast. The girls made this incredible food for all four of us, and we braced ourselves and ate it. Well, eggs, bacon, sausages, more bacon, baked beans, more sausages, toasts, baked tomatoes, mushrooms, and some extra bacon. And an extra half of sausage! With HP sauce (basically tastes like something between ketchup and bbq sauce with extra vinegar). And, as an extra bonus, a tiny little bit of Marmite to boost the experience and make it unforgettably British. Wow!
The downside: we were only able to eat again at around 6 pm.
We also don't understand how they can eat it, and not have at least 0.5 l of beer with it.

During our city walk, we noticed something funny. All the restaurants announce that Christmas bookings now taken and things like that. Interesting! Means that a) people go for Christmas dinner to restaurants, b) they do so a lot, because booking in necessary already in October.

On the Manchester main square (the one with the city hall), there is something going on... there's a huge orange and red 'statue' of Santa Claus (or who...) on a huge construction, and there are announcements of Christmas markets and ice rink. Well, guys, it's the beginning of November now! Is it really needed to start Christmas prep now?

On a more funny (and more interesting) side, we've seen two people (probably a husband and a wife) riding a houseboat through the locks on the Rochdale channel! And it seemed like a pretty complex thing to do! The guy left the boat (with mug full of coffee), opened one half of the lower door, ran to the upper door, ran across the upper door, and opened the other half of the lower door. His (presumed) wife came in with the boat, the guy reversed the action and closed the lower door. Then he allowed the water to flow from above the upper door to the space between the doors, and then, when the boat came up, he opened the upper door (using the lower door as a bridge) and the boat went through. And then he closed the whole thing, jumped to the boat, explained to us that it was 31 October, i.e. Halloween, and that only a crazy person would stay with the boat in the city centre, and left for the next lock.

Yes, Halloween. We had a Halloween quiz in the office (lot of questions about Norman Bates, Freddy Kruger and folks like that, and some practical tests such as eating a hanging donut). My team did not win, and no wonder, I did not help them much... Also, some kids came knocking on our door on Saturday evening, but we pretended not to be here. (Because we were alone in the house, did not have any sweets, and did not know how to do it properly anyway.) After few minutes, they left elsewhere, probably to claim some Snickers from the neighbours.

I just hope that I will be able to find out how to celebrate the bonfire night - which is on Thursday - soon enough. (I will ask in the office, some English people might know something...)

Well, apart from these very funny things, not much is going on now. I still go to my office by bus. (Funny thing: there is a line in the bus, which says that no standing passengers are allowed behind this line until the bus stops. So I stayed in front of the line when I wanted to leave and waited for the bus to stop. The driver was confused, and did not know whether he needed to stop or not, because obviously there was no one getting ready to leave the bus. Yes, there was me, but I was not behind the line, getting close to the door etc.) I still occasionally walk along the traffic jam. (Just today I did so, selecting the bus I liked most.) My boss still corrects tiny English grammar errors in my work. (I accused him of being article obsessed the other day. He proudly agreed.) And so on.

And by the way: I think that maybe - just maybe - I am happy now.